Sunday, November 9, 2008

I know all the wrongs and rights and I just want a little light to fall on me.

It's Sunday morning. I rolled over around 8 and greeted a bright blue sky I feel like I haven't seen in ages. See?



I took the opportunity to hide under the comforter and snuggle with the cat until I got good and bored. (Took about 4 minutes.) And then I brewed a pot of coffee, flipped on some tunes, and set my staff's schedule for the week. I am becoming a workaholic but I don't exactly mind because it's good to be useful. Still, I view this as a morning of leisure. If you get to work while in pajamas it doesn't really count.

I am a creature of habit and this week has brought a world full of change and I'm learning how to not stomp the brakes and throw a hissy fit. I don't know why I'm so ill equipped for this stuff. I completely recognize all the good that comes with change.

Barack Obama. Democratic leadership in general. Hey, leading America is a hard row to hoe and I'm not saying the GOP and especially the GWB didn't try. But come on, y'all. It clearly wasn't working. Our economy is in the stinker, our natural resources are not being properly cared for, our working class is sinking, our decisions have been based on faulty, antiquated, and biased views, and our reputation to the world beyond our borders is NOT the one most of us would prefer. John McCain may have earned back a few cool points with his concession speech, but the fact of the matter is that his entire campaign did little more than offend me and turn me off of the Republican party even more completely. Selecting a running mate based solely on her sex, improperly branding the ticket and platforms, and a whole lot of back peddling. Obama's victory is not change for change's sake - it's change for the world's sake. And he's not going to be able to do it alone, so I'm challenging myself and anyone out there to (here's a novel concept) HELP. Do your part. Be useful. Perhaps that's been the problem with Bush's terms all along. We were all, self included, too quick to point fingers and place the blame on the figure head. Let's not make the same mistake with Obama - many of us worked too hard to get him where he is now. Deal?

Change.

Life. I sat in a meeting this week and could absolutely feel the gears of my universe shift and set off in an entirely new direction. And for once, I didn't mind so much. I recognized my impulse to resist based only on the newness. It stung at first, to realize tomorrow won't be like yesterday and that I have got to learn to let go of the past in order to find the future. But I'm a manager now. A real live grown up adult. Touch me, I exist in this form now and I don't exactly hate it. I am capable of independent thought that impacts others' lives. I've found that impossible rumor of a job that I love, that I'm good at, and that pays the bills.

Change.

Love. I'm not in it. And sometimes I get so scared that I'm not going to get married or have the chance to decide if I want to be a Mommy. I'm starting to think my problem is that I've seen myself as manipulator of my own destiny, which is a more eloquent way of telling you I'm a control freak. Perhaps there are things I can control and I'm starting to think this is one thing I cannot. I can make room in my heart (and goodness knows I have) but I cannot spackle that void.

Change.

Friends. Ok, so no change needed here. I'm set, supported, and happy. Thank y'all. Seriously. I don't know what I did, but I'm glad I did it.

And there are your thoughts for this Sunday morning. I'd like to tell you we'll be in touch like this more often, but these next 6 weeks are what I've spent the last 10 and a half months preparing for. I've got 4 new team members, 6 veterans, 3 new properties, 3 old ones, 2 bosses, 24 hours in a day, and one me. Come on in, 2008 Holiday Season. Let the fun begin!

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