Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Rose tint my world.

Today I went to the grocery store and bought milk, which is an entirely uninteresting lead into a blog entry.

Except this milk expires after I leave, which makes things feel weird and final and definitely surreal.  I've got so many questions to ask the universe about what's going to happen after January 29th.  Where am I going to live and what company is going to employ me and who is going to love me and what kind of car will I drive and am I going to gain a lot of weight from too much sweet tea and Chick-Fil-A but not enough walking everywhere and how am I ever going to cope without tourists and the MTA to test my patience on a daily basis?  And are things going to work out as well as they appear to be working out and am I completely right to place as much faith in God and love and the aforementioned universe and even myself as I have been lately?

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
by Marianne Williamson
from A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracle

 All I really know is that the milk in my fridge will still be drinkable, but I'll not longer be here to drink it.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Life's a ball, if only you know it

New York, quit callin'
New York, leave me be

I'm changing the plans that I've been settin' on
I'm scared of the way that my life's gettin' gone
Carolina, one day I'll, someday I'll come home. 

(The Avett Brothers, Salina)

I've loved those lyrics for years.  I've been anxiously awaiting the day I get to use them to announce what we knew was coming all along.  So here goes nothing.

Dear New York City,
I don’t know where or how to begin, so I’m just going to say it.
I think we should break up.
We had our good times, and most of our mutual friends thought we were perfect together. (Well, that’s not entirely true.  Most of my friends hated you at first but since you’re so darn spectacular, they eventually warmed up to the idea of us.)  But I knew going into this that I could never be yours to keep forever, and it’s only going to get more difficult the longer we keep this going. And the moments we’ve had and memories we’ve made have been both magical and mind blowing.  But it’s time.  We both know it’s true.
Now, it’s not you.  It’s me. I love you; I’m just not in love with you.  Really, I just don’t want to be tied down at this point in my life.    We’ve been drifting apart lately.  You just…want more than I’m prepared to give. I hope we can still be friends.
Oh, to hell with pleasantries.  In reality, most everything you do has bugged the crap out of me lately.  And I know you’re not going to change, so once again I’m going to have to be the one to adapt.  I hate the way you smell and I hate how noisy you can get at all hours of the night.  I hate how difficult you can make the most simple of tasks.  I hate how rude and how cold you are.  I hate how distant you can be.  I hate that baseball is more important to you than football and I hate that you don’t have a clue what sweet tea or grits are.  I shudder at the thought of raising children with you.  I don’t like how many times I’ve been frustrated to the point of tears with you and your ridiculous, self-obsessed antics. Somehow, I think you’ll be just fine without me.  In fact, you probably won’t even notice I’m gone.  There’s probably someone else already in your life.  Knowing you, probably multiple someones, really.
Let’s just celebrate this for exactly what it was, not try to make it into anything it isn’t, and move on from this with as much respect for one another as possible.  You deserve at least that much.  And who knows, maybe we’ll see each other in the future and reflect fondly on the love we once shared.  Being here with you has changed me for the better in more ways than you’ll ever truly understand.