Sunday, December 28, 2008

Think of me as programmable soda.

Christmas has done come and gone and I've invaded and retreated from the South (and ingested a whole lot of fried and sugared things). Other than a blissful couple days with Lori and her family followed by a couple more oddly peaceful days with my own, I have nothing to report. I hate to admit it, but Christmastime loses a lil somethin'somethin' without little ones running about. Perhaps one day...

I've been trying to find the words to adequately reflect on the past year and eloquently pose my hopes and dreams for the next. I think 2008 can by summed up as the "Woah. Didn't see that coming" kind of year, and I'm at peace with that. No one ever thought I'd last over a year in New York City, much less going strong on nearly two and a half. No one ever thought I'd fall into a career path and advance to management at the tender young age of 26. No one ever thought I'd conquer my alone-aphobia. Or that I'd try to move back to North Carolina and fail. No one ever thought I'd suddenly start to get along with, and respect, certain members of my family. No one ever thought I'd finally mature and leave the petulant child act behind.

Maybe I'm not giving anyone enough credit. Maybe what I mean by "no one" is "I."

At any rate, I stand ready to step into 2009 without any resemblance of a plan. Usually there's a list. (And dammit, I usually stick to that list, too.) But seeing how every plan I make seems to unravel, I refuse to make one for the year. Let 2009 be the year I love deeper and laugh louder and fall harder and surrender to God's will better than I ever have before. Perhaps that's the chicken's way out but I don't care because there doesn't really seem to be any other way for me to be.

Currently occupying the coveted background of my blackberry is my most favorite picture of this year. It serves as a constant reminder to always question, always wonder.

Where AM I going? I'm not entirely sure, yet I do have a very good feeling about 2009. It just feels like the kind of year where what I want and what I need are going to find each other and fuse together. I. Can't. Wait. I am going to be happy.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Though it is, I admit, the tiniest bit unlike I anticipated.

Do you know how I know I'm still a Southerner at heart?

Here at work, and high above Times Square, I glanced out the window to see snow pouring from the sky. It took a great deal of effort to not squeal and rush outside and stick my tongue out and dance in the stuff. Even though I know snow will inevitably bring subway delays and wet feet and generous opportunities for slips and falls and general crankiness about the city...I don't know. I can't help it. Somewhere deep inside, I'm still that 8 year who has only seen snow a time or two.

Speaking of the South...this time next week, I will BE there. Georgia and Alabama, to be exact. Bring on the sweet tea and cover me in grits. I absolutely cannot wait!

I also can't wait for 2009. 2008 has been...well, a year. Mostly good, some bad, lots of learning and growing. You can't always get what you want. You caaaaaan't always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you might fiiiind. You get what you neeeeed!...has been the theme song. And dammit, I'm ready for what I want and what I need to go hand in hand. There's a special kind of hope a new year brings. My resolutions are at the ready and I'm already antsy to get out of this year and into the next.

But mostly, I'm just ready to be down yonder. Bless my heart.

Monday, December 1, 2008

But it's thoughts like these that catch my troubled head (when you're away, when I am missing you to death)

Do you know how I know I'm getting old(er)?

Today was my day off. The apartment is relatively clean. The dishes are mostly done. (Thanks, Megan.) My underwear drawer is mostly full, which is to say I don't have an immediate and desperate need to do laundry. I can still see the creases on the pants legs of my suits, which is to say I didn't feel like a dry cleaner run just yet.

Happy to not have an agenda, I plopped my butt on the couch, vampire fiction in hand. Elizabetta has been coaxing me to read Twilight for months, and yet it has just now become too difficult to ignore, what, with all the Facebook status updates and changing of artificial last names to Cullen. Might as well see what the big deal is about, right?

So here's picture proof of my perfect day.

Upon finishing the book, (and sushi - YUM) I emailed Crissie and begged her presence for a movie screening. I could not wait another second to see Edward and judge Bella. (I'm not worthy, I'm not wooooorthy!!!!) Tickets and popcorn and Diet Coke in hand, we settled in.

And my first reaction?

Bella's dad is CUTE.

That's right, folks. I am at the age where the FATHERS in films now appeal to me.

I'm old. There. I proved it.