If I don't listen to the talk of the town, then maybe I can fool myself

Dear Europeans,

There is a balance. I promise. It seems you either exist in a cloud of BO, or absolutely drenched in a thick musky smelly perfumed stench. It's unpleasant, to put it nicely. Actually, it makes me want to throw things at you and yell. You hurt my head.

SECRET-ly BAN-ed DEGREE-ly SURE-ly yours,
Your favorite concierge



Dear Other Europeans,

You refer to us as Ugly Americans when we don't learn your language, honor your customs, or adhere to your often bizarre logic. (And I agree, for the most part - I think it's tacky to show up in a foreign land and gawk at the differences.) However. In America, we tip those in the service industry. I'm not bending over backwards for you just because I'm nice. You seem to memorize the rest of your guidebooks - why does appreciation etiquette still manage to escape you?

Flatass broke-ly yours,
One apparently unattractive American



And since life should not always be about rants...

Dear Summer,

Thank you for existing so that I may have obnoxiously good fruit. Also, thank you for not being too ridiculously hot.

Peace,
Alison


Dear Foot,

You're getting a tattoo!!! Ready?! I hear it's going to hurt.

Branded,
Alison


Dear Subway,

Thank you for continuing to provide endless hours of hilarity and people watching. Ok, so I haven't seen anymore heavenly booties recently, but rest assured my commutes continue to be most entertaining.

Mass transit is cool,
Alison. F Train. 6th Ave Local


Dear Seth Avett,

You continue to be my #1 Most Brilliant Man Alive. True story. How can one man possibly be so pretty AND talented?! Thank you and Scott and Bob for giving us New Yorkers a free show this week.

I heart bluegrass,
Alison