And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?

I need to fall in love with New York again. Lately it's just seemed so smelly and dirty and aggressive.

Yesterday, after an intensely "oh my GOOOOOOOD, why is this my liiiiiiiiiife?!" day, I got on the subway, iPod on, ready to ride home and marinate in the things that HAD gone nicely. I had just passed into a happier place of existing when I heard a lot of scuffling and mini-shrieks. I opened one eye just in time to see one middle aged man slug another. The locals vs. non-locals became instantly apparent, as the non dashed from the scene while the locals sat, unamused, wondering how long this would delay the train.

(I sat still.)

Is this how I am now? Has this city impacted me so much that I can't even be bothered to react?

I can tell already that I am driving at a panic attack if I keep up the way I've been going. It's time to draw on the words of wisdom from my newest favorite book and constant sister-in-support. Today, I will do what I can and control only what I may. The future is going to happen whether I stress about it or not, and plans, no matter how well laid, will always find a way to unravel. Plans. Unravel. I will not. I will enjoy whatever time it is I have left in this place. It's a harsh place, but an important one.

But for tonight, I will wear my favorite dress and enjoy sushi, good company, and a city I know I still love. Even if only for a few more moments.