Yes, I know you drive real fast. But your head is made of steel. Lucky for you.

When you try your best but you don't succeed.
When you get what you want, but not what you need.
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse.
When the tears come streaming down your face.
When you lose something you can't replace.
When you love someone, but it goes to waste.
Could it be worse?
And high up above, or down below.
When you're too in love to let it go.
But if you never try, then you'll never know
Just what you're worth.

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try, to fix you.
(Coldplay)


A common question out of my friend Elizabeth's mouth is "How's your heart?" During recent months, I've made it a point to ask myself this most important question daily. My brain sometimes tries to fool me into making me believe it is supreme. My words fool a lot of others, too. Especially when they come flying out without consulting my brain OR heart, as they are prone to do.

If you think about it, mutes have a high survival rate and people have been known to sit braindead for years. (Crass, but true.) But when the heart stops? You're a goner. Maybe it's time I started paying more attention to mine, then. Today was a terrible horrible no good very bad day. Thankfully, I could still see high above the mucky-muck and realize life in general is still happening and healthy. Just some hiccups.

But my heart isn't so good right now so I'm treading with caution for awhile. And I'm kind of at a loss for my next step. Perhaps this sense of floundering is merely my brain's attempt to regain and maintain control and my vocabulary's go at putting a label on it all. Worse still, maybe it's my ego's slow recovery process from all the things that HAVEN'T been going well. Maybe I should just quiet the voices inside, silence what manages to escape my lips, and tell ole Ego to take a hike. Maybe then, when my heart can get a word in edgewise, something more like what I actually deserve will happen.

Is this making any sense or just coming across as pointless dribble?
How about I put this all much more simply?

Dear World,
Here's my heart. Someone worthy, take it. (Soonish, please?) I know you're out there.
Kisses,
Alison