Tell me how to win your heart, for I haven't got a clue.

Earlier this week, John Mayer posted a blog.  My darling friend Jenn read the blog, thought me of, and brightened my day with it and some kind words.  And it got me thinking, so now I’m going to blab to you.  Well, first I’ll let Mr. Mayer babble and then I’ll take over.

I wish that when I was younger I could have met my current self. We would have sat down at a coffee shop so that I could explain life to young me in terms that only we would understand. It would have saved me a lot of hardship…

People want to be liked. We all crave attention and affection and we all reject shame. When we get embarrassed we send a thug version of ourselves to the forefront to do our fighting for us. We’re at the top of the food chain just under fear.  We don’t want to be in a relationship to hear the words “I love you,” we want to be in a relationship to say the words “I love you.” We want to feel needed, and exceptional and we hate feeling insignificant. We want to ace a hearing test. We are binary creatures; if we’re the plaintiff, we want to win every dollar. If we’re the defendant, we want guard every penny. We want to make more money than last year. We don’t want to get cancer or die in our cars and we want the same for our loved ones. We go out on weekends to try and have sex while trying not to get punched in the face. We drink so we can be ourselves and not mind it so much. We’re desperate to be understood. We want to know someone else has felt it, too. We hate being judged unfairly. We want to make the person we heard wasn’t all that into us change their minds and admit they had us wrong. We want sunny skies with a chance of killer tornadoes, just to keep music sounding good. We take hours upon hours to admit to self consciousness. We don’t know exactly how to pleasure each other. We just want love. In any and every form.

Last weekend, I went down to Birmingham for my 10-year high school reunion.  I’ve been planning on going to my reunion since before I even graduated from good old Mountain Brook.  Somehow, I knew I’d be a better Alison with some age and wisdom, wardrobe tips and makeup tricks.  I realized a couple years ago that my friends and I had all begun to magically grow into who we always were and just didn’t quite know how to be during those awkward teen years.

I wish that when I was younger I could have met my current self.  I probably would have slapped myself silly.  Reminded me that there really is something to that whole “life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans” talk.  I would have tough loved the crap out of myself.  Buck up, little chippy.  It’s not so bad.  STOP POUTING.  BE HAPPY.  I think one of the absolute truths about life and the world and people is that misery, shame, unhappiness, and things bad, dirty and grungy all manifest from self-loathing and doubt.  I wish that when I was younger I could have met my current self because that’s the one major lesson younger me could have stood to learn much earlier in life.  Those boys weren’t making fun of my weight; they were burying their own flaws.  Those girls weren’t picking on my clothes; they were apologizing for their own inabilities to find looks not spoon-fed from magazines and billboards.  Those people weren’t being cruel because I was an awful person; they were being cruel because they were afraid they might be awful people. 

I wish that when I was younger, I could have met my current self.  Current me could have reminded younger me that if someone is being mean, they probably just need a hug.  (Or some chocolate milk.  Maybe a nap.)  Current me could have reminded younger me that the hardest but most worthwhile thing to do is love someone through the flaws and in spite of the pain.  Current me could have reminded younger me that broken hearts do in fact heal and are often times stronger and more capable than they were before.  Current me could have reminded younger me that energy is best spent living life instead of planning it.  (Because plans do fall apart, but life typically keeps on moving.)

But perhaps it’s best that younger me had to muddle through on her own because we all know that no one actually listens to their elders and lessons are best when experienced instead of taught.  The funny thing about life is you can’t ever really go back; you’re here, and eventually, you’ll get there.  And if you’re lucky like me, you’ll get there with an abundance of friends and some really funny stories sprinkled in.