I'm a dreamer. A distant dreamer.

Some things.

1) I sure do love Barack Obama. I especially loved the debate. I really super loved watching John McCain act like a whiny little bitch. Maverick, my ass. And next time you talk about (not) being Miss Congeniality of the Senate, Imma sick Sandra Bullock on yo ass. (I'm so not gangster. I try. I do.)

2) I have no idea what got into me, but I went on a shopping binge from the comfort of my own couch this weekend. I basically bought out every store's remaining summer lines in the hopes I can learn how to layer and not look like a dumpy blueberry this fall.

3) Speaking of shopping, it's entirely possible I may have accidentally shoplifted this week. Needed a new suit for work, so to Macy's I went. Found something gorgeous, although entirely out of my price range. Bit the bullet and bought it anyhoo, noting that the price I paid was considerably lower than I had anticipated. Said a quiet little prayer for Macy's sales. Got home, checked my receipt and realized she only charged me for the jacket and not the pants, too. Whoops. Ok. So. I definitely accidentally shoplifted. But it's not as if I tried to pull a fast one! I handed her the pants and jacket and two separate hangers! Can my conscious be clean now? Please?

4) I decided to pull all my winter/fall stuff. Unfortunately, there is a large bug with about a bijillion legs chilling out in the first suitcase I pulled. So I screamed, shoved it back under the bed, and here I sit, shaking, blogging instead.

5) I'm going to Paris next year. True story. But first, I need to learn French. Bonjour! Je m'apelle Alison! Ca va! Bien sur! Look! I'm a natural!

6) Being a boss is hard and also awesome.

7) It's entirely possible that this week might suck.

8) I miss Charlotte so much I sometimes feel like I might spontaneously burst into tears.

9) I loved New York in the Fall so much I sometimes feel like I might spontaneously burst into squeals and cackles.

10) Roll Tide! Go Panthers! Way to show those silly Georgia teams how it is DONE this weekend!

That's all.

Here I am, I am. Movin' at fast speeds.

Happy Two Year Anniversary to Moi et New York!

That's right. At this time precisely two years ago, I was crammed in a van somewhere around Jersey, waiting to arrive in New York and start my new life! And now, here I am. A supervisor of a growing company. Full of life and friends. And fears. And questions. Not at all wanting the things I once did, but somehow replacing old dreams with shiny new hopes. Still learning to live by doing instead of dreaming. A veritable master of the subway and cheap eats inside an expensive city. Capable of functioning solo. Happier and more well-adjusted than I ought to be (or ever thought possible).

And still, not at all aware of or concerned with what tomorrow holds. Will I make it to three years? Only time will tell. I make no promises. Only wishes. And at this point, I don't even know what I'm wishing for anymore which only leads me to believe I must be doing something right. Life's a little more fun when you're living beyond your own imagination.

Happy two years, baby. Thanks for putting up with me. (That goes quadruple for those who join me inside this city's limitless boundaries.)

Everything is exactly what it seems.

This morning, I am awake and here to greet you with a radical new thought.

Nothing is quite the catastrophe I try to make it out to be. This world's going to keep turning, and the horseshit of yesterday will probably be forgotten by this time next week.

I need to find a good yoga and meditation class.

/drama.

Who am I to say this situation isn’t great when it’s my job to make the most of it?

I’ve been quiet because I really only like to use this here blog to weave a little silliness into all your lives. And I haven’t been feeling very silly lately. I’ve been feeling very lost. Very confused. Very abused. Very broken. Very pathetic. Very alone. And very VERY aware that this is a space into which I have carved myself so have nowhere to place the blame. Blast! That last part really does just ruin everything.

First off, I am FINE. Fine. I’m just completely off balance. And do you know what happens when people lose their balance? They spin and they sputter and they scramble and they eventually PANIC, lose control entirely, and fall down. It’s how you handle the next step that makes you who you are. Me? I crack a stupid joke (probably in a ridiculous accent) and realize the ground is actually kinds of comfortable. I sit for a bit. And then, I eventually get bored, pull the trigger, and fire away at the world again.

(Maybe it’s that final step that needs work?)

Earlier this week, while searching my bookshelf for some pre-bed reading material, my fingers found my journal from college. At first I was amused. Oh, 20 year old Alison, you really did know NOTHING. Somewhere in the middle of it all, a terrible thought attacked. 20 year old Alison actually doesn’t sound much different than 26 year old Alison. And here I thought I’d come leaps and bounds and grown and changed and matured. Nope. Apparently not.

I’m starting to connect the dots in my very own life. Forget rose-colored glasses – I’m taking off the blindfold. And truth be told, I’m not loving what I’m seeing. I’m a little horrified, actually. Somewhere along the way, I developed a me vs. the world mentality. Worse still, I had the audacity to blame the world. Where do you find that line between loving yourself and being completely ill-equipped for change?

Buildings and bridges were made the bend in the wind
To withstand the world, that’s what it takes
All that steel and stone are no match for the air, my friend
What doesn’t bend, breaks.
(Ani DiFranco)

A few months ago, I took an acting class. While working a monologue, my teacher (Jim) began to drill upon the point that I was trying to hard. Pushing. Begging. TELLING they audience how they should feel. Could I just relax? Not force the emotional responses? Could I be Alison the human instead of Alison the actor? I laughed and rolled my eyes, announcing to Jim and the class that this was all a big metaphor for my life. I’d heard it all before.

“Well no offense,” Jim said, “but have you ever thought about listening? Changing?”

What doesn’t bend, breaks. Is this the root of it all? Fluffy Alison, made of steel and stone all along?


There’s so much I want to go into here that I just plain shouldn’t. But suffice it to say, I’m doing a little spiritual research because I think once I get this little soul of mine under control, I have a strong chance of recovery and survival.

Don’t know if you’ve watched me as I simply undress
Half unbuttoned shirt hangs like a flag at half-mast
You see, sometimes I’m a woman
And sometimes, a mess.
(Lindsey Horne)



I think I've spent far too much time learning to love the wrong reflection.

Time is gonna take my mind and carry it far away, where I can fly.

Things.

1) I love this weather. (Rain aside.) Love love love love love love love. 72 degrees and sunny today? And tomorrow? Yes, please.

2) New York Fashion Week is detrimental to my ordinarily acceptable self esteem. Everywhere I look, there's some tall wispy thing with slim hips, perfect hair and a blank expression.

3) Dinner parties are fun. Especially when your roommate fries okra and everyone talks Southern. Y'all come back now, y'hear?

4) I'm teaching the Brooklyn and the Queens and the Staten Island boys I know to talk Southern. It's really funny to hear their gruff voices say things like "yonder" and "fixin' to." Bless their hearts.


A story.

So, at one of the properties where I work, we maintain all guest requests in an online system. It's a large property with many concierges on board, so it's the easiest way to log Mr. Whatsidoosie's Nobu reservation, Miss Thingamajig's towncar confirmation number, and the So-and-So's theatre tickets. One relatively boring day, a colleague and I discovered the plethora of titles one may assign in the system. Mr. Mrs. The Honorable. Duchess. Princess. King. Sir. Captain. Countess. Etc. Because I have the maturity level of a 10 year old (with a humor level to match), I spent the day assigning guests as all kinds of fabulous things. After I left, a guest came down for confirmation of his dinner reservation at Morimoto. One of my fellow concierges, though in on the joke, printed out the confirmation and handed it to the gentleman. Much to all of our chagrin, I had entered him in as "Lord."

Good news. He laughed.

Do you wonder where the self resides? Is it in your head or between your sides?

Sooooooo. The room came out a little more bach pad than I intended. It's the lighting. A bit TOO dim, and once combined with the curtains...umyeah. So. Something to work on. But still a marked improvement.

See?







In other news, My Best Friend's Wedding is a terrible movie for TBS to play right now. Everyone knows I can't not watch it. And it combined with the current state of affairs in my love life, the leftover Chinese food, large glass of wine, and ongoing conversation with my cat makes me the world's oldest cliche. Hi. Nice to meet you. I am that girl.

I am a slowpoke. Living in a fast, fast fast world.

My room kicks ass. The drab beige and brown (with black furniture - what WAS I thinking?!?!) has been transformed to black, white, purple, and pink. But in a hot, adult way. Swear.

Trouble is, it's 3:30 in the morning, I've been working since 10 PM last night, and I am STILL not done. I'm going to bed now. I have to work tomorrow. And Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday.

But with any luck, there will be pictures soon.

Seriously. Kickass. Come visit?

There's beauty in the breakdown.

I haven't updated much because I've been a lovely combination of sleep deprived and completely stressed for about 3 weeks now. I guess promotions will do that to you. I think I'm working through the growing pains and should be regaining some sense of normalcy any day now.

Of course, some have been saying that about me for 26 years now, so I of course use the phrase "sense of normalcy" as lightly and un-absolutely as possible. But. Normal for me. Which is still chaotic but never boring.

I'm sitting here looking at my bedroom and trying not to cry. This is what it looked like when I moved in.

Now, just picture it with the dresser on the other side of the room. And lots of clothes and clutter on the floor.

So yesterday, my friend Megan mentioned she had control of her parents' SUV and a desire to go to IKEA. Sign me up! As a result, I have been awake since 7:30 this morning, taking measurements and drooling over all the pretties on the website. Come 2 o'clock this afternoon, I will descend upon the (still relatively new) Brooklyn location, and probably stay until they kick me out come 10 PM. And then I will spend the rest of the night and all of tomorrow cleaning, tossing, scrubbing, re-organizing, and overhauling this pitiful place's entire look. Expect Holy Hotness pictures come Saturday morning. I'm going to HGTV/Extreme Home Makeover/Trading Places the hell out of my room. You're totes jeals. I know.

IKEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IMMA COMIN'!!!!!!