An excerpt from my personal journal:
Set me free.
Leave me be.
I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am.
And I stand so tall, just the way I am supposed to be.
(Sara Bareilles)
...I currently have no gravity. I belong to nothing and no one. For the first time in my life, no one holds my heart but me. I don't mind, but I'm learning it's quite the tremendous weight to bear. Who knew?
Tonight, I stood in front of the mirror in naught but the slip that I (willingly) wore under my dress. I washed my face with cold cream instead of clearasil, because I'm noting it needs the moisture nowadays. I giggled at the grey hairs that I will no longer try to cover. Somewhere, I believe I finally left girl and found woman. But I didn't notice until tonight.
Two days ago, I was panicking at my lack of gravity. I've now found it, and it's got me centered in New York for the time being. While grappling with the concept that I might not be moving to Charlotte anytime soon, it's become apparent that I'm responsible for turning out of my own tailspin and landing safely, here on the ground. And I've had to face the difficult fact that I seemingly hit "pause" on my own life when I moved to New York and only ever viewed this time as a brief intermission. Maybe it's time to resume play and admit that my life might actually be happening. Here. On the ground.
It's been a long week. Lots of changes, y'all.
No comments:
Post a Comment